Many years ago, when my husband and I were thinking of getting engaged, we decided we wanted children. We wanted at least two because my husband and I had good experiences with our siblings.
We had been married for six years when we had our daughter. At the beginning of our marriage, we were not in a good financial position to start a family, but after six years, it was the right time.
With the exception of some rather difficult morning sickness, the pregnancy and delivery went well. Everyone was happy and healthy.
When I had my daughter, I still thought there would be another baby in my future – but not right away. My husband agreed and I had an IUD inserted.
A change of heart that changed our plans
A few years passed and the idea of another baby made me nervous. I waited. I drug my feet. I could tell my husband was getting nervous and let’s face it, we were getting older. Maybe that window of opportunity was starting to close so I decided to have my IUD removed.
It didn’t last long.
When I thought about having another baby, I was scared. There was a hole in my stomach. I thought about how expensive and stressful it would be and the sacrifices I would have to make.
After about three months, I told my husband that I had changed my mind. I decided to take the pill. He was outwardly supportive but I know deep down I broke his heart.
Did I make the right choice?
Birth control and birthdays
I’ve been on the pill for over a year and overall I’m happy with my life.
I have a part-time job that I love, lots of time to write, and time to spend with my husband and daughter. We have a cute little house perfect for our little family.
A second child does not fit into the picture.
Later this year I will be forty years old and I feel there is no turning back now. I hope I made the right decision. I wonder if I will regret not having had more children when I am older – when having more children would no longer be possible. I feel guilty for not giving my husband something he yearns for – something we agreed to many years ago.
It’s hard to be a woman of childbearing age when life-altering decisions have to be made. I am grateful that the decision is mine. Despite the guilt and the regrets, it’s so important that I had my say.
For now, I don’t want to change anything.